Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm Gonna Makedamnsure that Buddy Holly was at The Rock Show

Before we get down to business about the 90's, I need to give a very important shoutout to a very important woman in my life. My very dear friend Rachel Wall became a key part of this blog before I even decided to create it. She gave me the nickname of Jimothy before anyone else, and deserves a huge shoutout for it. Without her, my blog would have a different name. So to thank Rachel for garnering over 400 people checking me out through this blog, I'm going to return the favor and let numerous people check HER out. Rachel is a very fun, outgoing girl who likes to have a good time. She's currently looking for an adventurous man who enjoys Twilight, the Boston Red Sox (especially this guy), and long walks on the beach watching the sunset. She lives in nearby Massachusetts, and as you can tell from the following pictures, is quite a looker, and looks good in a bikini while taking pictures of someone else. Now I'm not going to pick out a good man for my good buddy Rachel, I'm going to let her do that for herself. So if you think you can have a shot of love with Rachel Wall, here's her facebook!

Now let's get on to business. Saturday night I went to arguably one of the greatest concerts put together. Taking Back Sunday, Weezer and blink-182 all in one night. Now when you think about it, excluding Taking Back Sunday, Weezer and blink-182 were very influential bands of the mid-late 90's. Who can forget some of their timeless hits such as Weezer's The Sweater Song or blink's All The Small Things? Everyone has seen the music videos for Buddy Holly and What's My Age Again?, and no one will ever forget them. The 90's not only consisted of great bands, but also great movies. Look at the Mighty Ducks franchise. Quentin Tarantino's debuts with Reservoir Dogs and then Pulp Fiction. The Fresh Prince gave the world the greatest opening theme song of all time (yeah I gave you the link to the FULL version, I'm too good to you guys). Much has changed in the sports world from 10 years ago. Back then, Michael Jordan was draining buckets, Gretzky was scoring goals, Brett Favre was contemplating retirement, and Mark McGwire was on steroids. Now, Lebron James is draining buckets, Alex Ovechkin is scoring goals, Brett Favre is still contemplating retirement, and A-Rod is on steroids.

Now some people would argue that nothing really happened during the 90's. Some may say that the 80's were better because people had style and wore their hair like this. Then again, some may say that the 70's were decent, thanks to Blue Oyster Cult creating the song Don't Fear (The Reaper) and this movie. The 90's however were superior to all other decades. I was around for 115 of the 120 months in the 90's, so I have a good sense of what made this decade so good. Therefore I will provide a few reasons for you to bust out your Pogs while you keep on grieving over this guy. Kids can break up their memories into 4 main groups, they are Commercials, TV Shows, Toys and Music, so I'm going to go through each category and pick out the highlights of each, and you will see/remember why the 90's was the last decade of the century. You save the best for last. That's why.

The Commercials- In what other decade could you combine Super Mario and Macaroni & Cheese? I don't see it happening in the 50's. Everyone can remember the way Domino Champ Charlie Armstrong eats a Reese's, just like how everyone remembers In-Line Skating Barbie.

TV Shows- There are simply just too many to list. I mean there are the obvious shows, such as Hey Arnold!, Kenan and Kel, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but let's take time and reflect upon some of the shows we have once loved and have forgotten about. That's right, I'm talking about The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Aaahh!!! Real Monsters!, Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?, Legends of the Hidden Temple, Swat Kats: The Radical Squadron, and of course, Street Sharks. Can the 70's really live up to these shows? I'd take Clarissa Explains It All over The Facts of Life any day of the week.

Toys- Since I'm assuming most of you reading this are around my age, you'll remember most of these toys. The 80's may have had fun with their pet rocks, but why have a pet rock when you can make your own pet rock out of Play Doh? Remember Perfection? Cause I do. My mom didn't have the pleasure of playing with a Skip-It in the 60's, but my little sister sure as hell did in the 90's (yes that really is a picture of my sister). Even I had fun with a Skip-It in the 90's. There really is no contest here when it comes to toys. I'm wasting my time even arguing this.

Music- Where to begin. Nirvana. I'll start with Nirvana. Imagine a world without "Smells Like Teen Spirit", nor with this cd cover. Now imagine if Kurt Cobain and stuck around for the remaining half of the 90's and wrote more songs like "Rape Me". Scary huh? The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Alice in Chains, The Offspring, Rage Against the Machine, Green Day, The Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead and Pearl Jam all owned the 90's for Rock. Of course, the 90's wasn't all about rock, remember Diddy when he was Puff Daddy? 2pac and Biggie were staples of the 90's until they got shot. Outkast was just starting to make it big while Dr. Dre was making his legend grow day by day in 90's. The only painful part about music in the 90's was watching these guys, these guys (God that smiley face shirt is horrible), and these three girls on TRL with Carson Daly every day.

Oh well, I guess this is enough of a flashback for a while. This is just the tip of the iceberg for the memories of the 90's. This being said, it only takes the tip of the iceberg to prove that the 90's is superior to all other decades. The next blog posted will be an already written post by Tom "JOM" Silva of Seekonk Massachusetts. I've read it, and it is easily on of the strangest and most corrupt pieces of literature I have ever laid eyes upon. I honestly think this kid deserves to be put in the Funny Farm after reading it. Anyways, its only fitting that I leave you with a song I wrote on the way home from the blink-182 show. I realize it's awful and the ending is corny but it's better than anything Panic! at the Disco ever wrote:

&$ck me that was fun/We all had the hot dogs in the bun
Travis Barker wept so sadly/But &$ck that the show ended gladly
Oh Deer, Oh my/we're waiting in the lot to get on the fly
Oh Deer, Oh my/I can't believe Megan Fox is bi
I kinda wish we were &$cked up/but I could just settle for some coke in my cup
My mom just left for London on vacation/go check my facebook, I have 3 notifications
Oh Deer, Oh my/Weezer made us high
Oh Deer, Oh my/with my feauxhawk I look sly
Fighting in the back with Shaina and Wade/after a night like this, we're all getting laid
Driving right behind a mercdes-benz, what a night it was, spent with friends.

Welp, see ya later.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

10 Things I Hate About You...I Mean in General.

Over the course of life, we as humans find that we hate things. Many people hate Adolf Hitler (who gets what he deserves in Inglourious Basterds by the way), Barry Bonds and the fact that The Beatles broke up, just to name a few. Some things just make us cringe, get stressed over, piss us off and make us snap. I hate the fact that I lost to Tom Silva in bowling the other night 178 to 95. Danny Allen hates the fact that the Red Sox traded Nomar Garciaparra. George Bush hates black people. Many different people hate many different things, and since this is my blog, I'm going to share with all of you things that I hate. Hopefully you will see my arguments for each item. One thing I hate is that Heath Ledger died, so in memory of one of his movies, I will list ten things that I hate. I know not everyone will agree with the things I hate, and I respect that, but just bear with me.

The Montreal Canadiens - Growing up a diehard Bruins fan since I was knee high to a grasshopper, I have hated this franchise for years. This is the only sports team I despise more than the Yankees. Just thinking about the Habs makes my fists clench and I get the feeling like I want to break something. They have the worst fans in the world. Their fans booed the US national anthem at every home game against an American team. They boo there own team after the lose, and they even boo their own goalie, Carey Price (even if he deserves it)for getting lit up by the Bruins. They always think they are the best team in the world, when in reality they haven't won anything since the early 90's. This could be due to the team constantly getting drunk every night while partying it up at the Montreal club scene. They have no class and it only serves them right that they got swept in the first round of the playoffs in their centennial season. Arguably one of the greatest nights of my life was having 6th row seats to game 2 of this years playoff series against the Canadiens where the Bruins slaughtered them 5-1. Don't even get me started about the time they wore these jerseys.

Paparazzi and Tabloids - Why do we care about stars lives so much? It's a waste of time to worry about whether Jon Gosselin is a gigolo. I'm much more concerned about my life, so why should I care if Kourtney Kardashian forgot to take her birth control pill and is now pregnant? The only two celebrities I really care about at all are Megan Fox and Kiefer Sutherland. I also cared about this guy until he decided to kick the bucket. It's sort of pathetic that there are magazines that are solely based on the lives of people who make movies. Sure I understand they're famous and have fans, but doesn't it seem like people who have to follow someone else's life makes them seem like a loser? Then the other problem I have with it is that paparazzi gives famous people no privacy whatsoever. Scumbag photographers take pictures of stars doing the most boring stuff and try to make the most out of it. Photographs of Gwen Stefani grocery shopping with her son just seem pointless, yet they can make up some rumor like she's getting fat for buying Fruity Pebbles. Ah paparazzi. They make me go bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

The Shining - Did those twins really need to be that creepy?

High School Musical - Show me a real high school where kids sing all day and have their star point guard look like this.

Thumbelina - Don't you just want to dropkick these two in the teeth?

"Those" Kids - Everyone has them. You text one friend a simple question, and the friend respond with 5 straight text messages before you can even respond to his response. It just aggravates me. We all have one of those friends.

Dance Dance Revolution - Just another reason to realize that white guys can't dance besides John Travolta. Besides, no one dances like you do when you play that game. Picture a kid dancing on the Dance Dance Revolution game. Now picture the kid still dancing, but minus the actual game/danceboard thing. Would that kid dance like that in real life? Didn't think so.

House Cups - A huge staple at college parties. Why does it really matter if some "Bro" shows up with his trusty sippy cup at a college party and deems it a house cup and gets to cut everyone off for drinks. If this can happen, why can't everyone bring a house cup? Is it a cry for attention? In fact, I'm going to start a new movement. I'm going to persuade 40 of my friends at Providence College to bring their own house cup to the same party and see what happens. If there is an abundance of house cups at a party, who gets their refill first? It would be interesting to see what happens.

Kids Who Can't Make Fun of Themselves - We all have our flaws in life, and we also make fun of people for theirs. There are some things about a personality which can determine if you are a beast or if you're a dweeb. It speaks a lot if you can make fun of yourself, or take a joke if a friend is making fun of you, as long as it's in moderation. I do my fair share of making fun of my friends, but I also can make fun of myself. For instance, I have a slight speech impediment and look anorexic. I won't have a problem if someone makes a joke about those two things, as long as its funny and there are no hard feelings. If you are a kid who constantly makes fun of your friends, but then flip out over the first joke a friend says about you, you aren't really a great person. If I were to make fun of Dan for being a Stoic, it would only make sense that he should be entitled to calling me a twig who talks funny, or something like that. In order to throw some punches, you have to roll with them first. As Winston Wolf once said, "Just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character".

The Jonas Brothers - Just look at this. Now take a moment and really think that these kids are the most famous people on the planet right now. That makes me sick. I feel like all three of them combined couldn't even take on Pee Wee Herman.

So a special thanks to Danny Allen for his the previous blogpost he left. Today's cheery lyric of the day is from The Ramones Blitzkrieg Bop - "They're piling in the back seat/They're generating steam heat/Pulsating in the back beat, the blitzkrieg bop/Hey ho, let's go, shootem in the back now/what they want, I don't know/They're all reved up and ready to go". I have no idea what these lines could even mean, but does anyone?

Welp, see ya later.

Friday, August 14, 2009

High School Daze

I have already been introduced as Danny Allen and the world already knows that I am depressed. But I dispute that point. I believe that I just shy away from showing emotion. I mean, I have emotions, I just bottle them up inside. I have no reason to be depressed; I have lived a good life. I have climbed the highest mountains of New England, seen the first black president be inaugurated from seats given to me by an Arkansas senator, won a State Championship, gotten into college, been waved to by the greatest living pitcher, and even met Jim Kirwan.

If you ask Jim how we met, he'll tell you we met in Mr. Eastman's Advanced Algebra H class, and he would be correct. But truth be told, I didn't really talk to him in that class. I would have to say that it was the following summer that we first were social together and it wasn't until our senior year that our friendship blossomed over the miles run during our turbulent cross country season. It was during this season that I developed my thick skin and strong breast bone. Over the course of our many miles run, I was afforded the opportunity to do a lot of self reflection and naturally, my thoughts wandered to inspiration, role models, and heroes.

I tried to label what inspired me, who my heroes were, and if I had any role models to look up to. Now I could've taken the easy way out and said that my parents were my heroes because they taught me the right way to act, sacrificed so I could have a better life, and all that other stuff. But this isn't The Wonder Years, so I began to think about musicians to look up to but that was but a fleeting thought. So I turned to my bread and butter, sports. I've been playing and watching sports since I was very young. Unfortunately, I peaked athletically as a 6 year old in Tee-Ball when I caught a pop-up at third base. Honestly, I shouldn't even been at third base because lefties don't make good third basemen as they always have to throw across their bodies.

Some people make their role models their favorite players. For me, that begins and ends with Drew Bledsoe and Nomar Garciaparra. You may remember Drew Bledsoe leading the Patriots from behind in the 2001 AFC Championship Game in Heinze Field after sitting out since Week 2 after suffering a ruptured blood vessel in his chest after a dirty, dirty hit from Mo Lewis. And Nomar. Nomar brought more joy to the citizens of New England for his unparalleled hard work and results. Unfortunately, he was driven out of town by a new ownership group and I have yet to like a Red Sox shortstop since. Around this time, Nike began to slowly push its Olympic athletes in preparation of the Beijing Olympics the following summer. One such athlete, Michael Phelps, received an inordinate amount of attention, and rightfully so. He was, in a word, amphibious. Michael Phelps was hailed as the next Mark Spitz and sure enough, he delivered. So that settled it, my role model and my hero would be the American Dream reincarnate, Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time. He has broken more world records than anyone in any sport. He is as celebrated as any American athlete ever. He's a better swimmer on his worst days than I'll ever be. He's even been named Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year. One thing he is not, however, is someone to look up to. In 2004, Michael Phelps was charged with driving under the influence. He was 19. I'm 19. I have way less gold medals, but I also have way less DUI convictions. He called it, "An isolated incident," and the public agreed. That was 2004. 2008 rolled around and Phelps went off to Beijing and won all his gold medals with his mother cheering him all the way. It was quite a story and the sponsorships poured in for him. The man had an unbelievable Olympics.

Unfortunately, the unbelievable events continued for him. Photos surfaced of Phelps ripping a bong down at a University of South Carolina frat house. Like the winner Phelps is, he used a Roor, which is also known as the Bentley of bongs. He lost a ton of money for this from his sponsorship deals being terminated and he was suspended by the governing body of swimming. Now if I had been in this man's shoes, I would have flown low under the radar. Instead, Phelps and his coach, the almighty Bob Bowman, complained about swimming records being broken in the new Jaked suits were tainted, similar to steroids in baseball (a rant for another day). Phelps and Coach Bowman threatened to boycott until the suits were banned. To be fair, they will be banned beginning in 2010, but as of now they are fair game.

I, personally, can not stand these petty arguments. Through out the history of sport, technologies have improved to the point where the creators of the original sports would be confused by what they see today. Take running for instance, the origin of all sport. Running has been around as long humanity has existed. The first running event could be argued as the Marathon, which goes back to the Ancient Greeks when Pheidippides, a Greek soldier, ran 26.2 miles to tell the result of the battle of Marathon and collapsed. Now this is a drastic example, but a point can be taken just the same: Running has evolved. Our poor friend Pheidippides would not have dropped dead in modern times as he would have been properly hydrated, wearing lightweight, moisture wicking clothing, and running shoes. Essentially, the point is that all things adapt or they die, sports included. Michael Phelps should embrace the changes in his sport in the hopes that it will be relevant more often than every four years.

If I could go back to my senior year of high school, I would look up Pheidippides far sooner than I would Michael Phelps, for the former was far more of a hero than the latter. Pheidippides died for a cause. There is nothing in the world that I feel so strongly about that I could die for. Pheidippides has courage that we can only hope to approach, never mind achieve

Now is the part of the blog where the cheery song lyric that I must present is presented.
All of Rubin's cards were marked in advance. The trial was a pig-circus, he never had a chance. The judge made Rubin's witnesses drunkards from the slums. To the white folks who watched he was a revolutionary bum. And to the black folks he was just a crazy nigger. No one doubted that he pulled the trigger. And though they could not produce the gun,The D.A. said he was the one who did the deed and the all-white jury agreed.

This is the song "Hurricane" by Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan is pretty awesome. He did what he wanted and didn't care what other people thought. He partook in a lot of artistic give and take with The Beatles, highlighted when he plugged in his guitar for the first time at the Newport Folk Festival.

And this my friends, is not a goodbye, but a see you later.

Complacently yours,
Daniel J. Allen

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Don't Fear The Reaper

Welp, thus far I’ve spent a whole day here in Cape Cod, and already someone famous has died. Good ol’ Eunice Kennedy just died in a Hyannis Hospital which I can actually see from my hotel room deck. Arnold Schwarzenegger (I actually just spelled that correctly on my first try) is in town to see his mother in law, or JFK’s sister, whichever you prefer, one last time. This seems to be a growing trend on vacations for me, as I was in Chicago when Bernie Mac died a few blocks away, and the next day Isaac Hayes, better known as Chef from South Park died. It’s a trend that I’ve gotten accustomed to, and I guess famous people need to get used to also. I’ve never really been the luckiest kid in the world, after all, my sister claims that I once dumped a girl who looked like this for a girl who looked like this, but now I’m starting to think that I’m a A-lister Grim Reaper. I can recall being in Maine on vacation in April 1994 when Kurt Cobain died AND I was on Christmas vacation from school when the Dunkin’ Donuts guy in the commercials died on Christmas Eve. Its mind blowing that whenever I’m on some sort of vacation, people die.

Now maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised about Eunice dying just down the street, this summer has been so depressing due to celebrity deaths. I mean look at all the famous people that died so far, the greatest mascot of all time, the director of some pretty decent movies and this scene in particular, Jermaine Jackson’s brother, the only woman I know named Farrah, Bill from Kill Bill (who apparently was killed?), and Hugh Heffner. Okay maybe not Heff yet, but he’s my bet for the next celeb to pass on to the great big Hollywood in the sky.

Did I mention I’ve had Don’t Fear (The Reaper) stuck in my head for the past 24 hours? Just throwing that out there.
Now don’t worry about little ol’ me, my vacation is doing fine besides the constant reminders of death. Just yesterday I bought a poster of the new Quentin Tarantino movie “Inglorious Bastards” which will basically consist of killing Nazis. Okay so yeah maybe that has to do with death also, but at least it’s fake and has Brad Pitt and Ryan from The Office in it.

These constant reminders of death and vacation are getting annoying and weird. Anyways I have had some good vacations where celebrities were alive and well, such as the same day Bernie Mac died I met numerous people, such as Dustin Pedroia crossing the street, Jason Bay wheeling his kids in a stroller, and Justin Masterson who was very happy to pose for pictures(as seen to the right). I also got the cold shoulder from Jacoby Ellsbury (as seen to the left) and was told by Terry Francona to “F%@k off kid, it’s the off day”. Okay now that I think about it, maybe famous people hate me. Maybe Bernie Mac decided to get pneumonia and die because I came to Chicago . Maybe Eunice Kennedy wanted to join Johnny Boy Kennedy because I moved into the hotel room next door to her hospital and Arnold couldn’t “terminate” me because it’s not a movie. Maybe I should just give up on meeting celebrities cause they’re dropping like flies when I come around.

So my next post, to commemorate my 5th blog post, will be written by my very close friend Danny Allen (as seen on the left in the picture to the left). He’s a goodhearted young man who some may call a Stoic, or just depressed. I disagree about the Stoic part, but I do think he might be somewhat depressed, but aren’t we all? Maybe I’m just speaking for myself, I mean after all I am the kid who dumped a girl looking like this for a girl who looks like this. Anyways, Danny is quite witty and sarcastic which hopefully will gain me some more followers and page views. My goal is to hit a million page views before I kick the bucket, so I guess I have some time to accomplish this.

I’ve also decided to send all you readers with a cheery lyric from the song of my choosing at the end of each post. Today’s cheery lyric comes from the Taking Back Sunday song “You’re So Last Summer”, and it goes like this: “Unless I had to I’ll do what I got to, the truth; Is you could slit my throat; And with my one last gasping breath; I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt”. Alright maybe not so cheery, but with all this death talk can anyone be cheery? If anyone wants to donate a cheery lyric of the day, leave a comment on this or email me at or give me the idea through mental telepathy.

Oh and my mother just walked in the room and told us how she was just interviewed by two TV stations about what the Kennedys meant to her, and some local newspaper. What a wonderful life. My mother gets famous while on vacation, and I blame myself for the deaths of numerous celebs around the world. Good grief. I actually should hope to never meet the real girl who looks like this because I’m really looking forward to seeing her in Transformers 3.

Welp, see ya later.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Drive In Movies, Greatness and Kanye West.

So after Kanye West declared himself the "New King of Pop", I started to think of greatness. Greatness can be a very interesting thing. It is a thing people or things must acheive, some things become great that deserve it, and some don't. Then there are the things that should be great but never quite got there. Of course, i'll be talking about the things that should be great but never quite got there, in this case, the movie The Pom Pom Girls.

Rickey Henderson once called himself great. Tony the Tiger and his Frosted Flakes are great. The Great Bambino was great (as was the Sultan of Swat, the King of Crash and the King of Clout). The Pom Pom Girls is also great. This is one of those movies that just didn't quite make it, similar to how Mrs. Mia Wallace and Fox Force Five never quite made it as a TV show in Pulp Fiction. The Pom Pom Girls is one of 8 Drive In Cult Classic movies on a set of DVD's I purchased at Best Buy for 5 bucks. Basically I bought the set because it was 5 bucks and it would keep me occupied during this awesomley slow summer in East Providence. This turned out to be the best 5 dollars I've ever spent in my life. Some of the movies in the set sucked it pretty hard, some were okay, and then there was the Pom Pom Girls. This movie was unbelievable due to its lack of plot. Basically two high school seniors decide to get laid and raise hell around town. The two main characters, Jesse and Johnnie end up fighting a football team, steal a nearby town's firetruck, get laid in the back of a sweet van, punch their varsity football coach, and end up getting the girls of their dreams. There is truely no point to the movie, as theres no real conflict besides spraying their hated rivals football team with a hose from a stolen firetuck.

It's mostly a funny movie that is easy to just laugh at some of the stupid things in it, but the ending gets pretty intense. Johnnie steals Duane's (the wussy greaser who dresses like the biker dude from the Village People) girlfriend, and is challenged by Duane to a match of Suicide Chicken. Suicide Chicken is seen in another great movie, with James Dean, yes THIS James Dean, not this James Dean, called Rebel Without A Cause. This scene may be a blatant ripoff of the scene in RWAC, but it gets you on the edge of your seat. Suicide Chicken, for all you non-depressed chickens is basically two kids drive to a cliff, switch cars and then proceed to drive towards the cliff. The first person to slam on the breaks is declared a fowl bird that tastes good when smothered in buffalo sauce. Now I'm not one to spoil secrets nor endings, so I won't tell you what happens and who is declared the chicken, but it's riveting stuff. This movie was brilliant, and if someone to tell me that there was no script written for the movie, I would actually believe them. I wish East Providence High School was even a fraction as much fun as Rosedale High back in the 70's. The gym class there consists of Tug O' War matches in mud, while at EPHS we had to settle for flag football without flags, and on rare, super special days we'd be able to play dodgeball. I'd take the muddy Tug O' War any day.

The only big name in this movie is Robert Carradine, who plays our hero Johnnie. He is best known as David Carradine's (Bill from Kill Bill) brother, and he was Lewis in Revenge of the Nerds....oh yeah and he was Lizzie McGuire's Dad. This guy is a tank. Ends up stealing a man's girl and endlessly tortures the dude by smooching his girlfriend right in front of him. What a guy. He was a great character in a great movie.

Now as for Kanye West, he should really think about what he's getting himself into. The last King of Pop was a wee bit shady, and sorta looked funny. Becoming the King of Pop would turn him into a scrawny white man who likes children, making him less great. He should keep in mind some things deserve to be great, such as The Pom Pom Girls, and some things, like him, don't deserve to be so great. Oh well, he has a big ego, as he will more than certainly let you know. The only lesson that can be learned from this is that you should go see the Pom Pom Girls. It really is worth it. The link is here, and it is worth every penny.

To leave you on a high note, I might as well post the movie poster, with Laurie, Jesse, Johnnie and Sally. Enjoy kids.

Welp, See ya later. Enjoy some breakfast at Jimothy's.