Sunday, January 24, 2010

Pauly D, Duck Phones, Jared Allen and Fist Pumping

Jersey Shore is by far the best thing MTV has ever put on the air period. I will challenge anyone who objects to this statement. To be quite honest, I've hated MTV for about the last 9ish years of my life when I realized that they would never show a music video again, which defeats the purpose of a music television channel. Honestly, the last time I remember watching a music video in full length on MTV was back in the 6th grade. I can remember watching Blink 182's What's My Age Again? video (still in my book one of the greatest music videos to include streaking of all time) and Limp Bizkit's My Way video which had a cameo with Zoolander's Ben Stiller who greeted Fred Durst with the usual "Yo, Red Cap!". Anyways, Jersey Shore is by far the greatest show ever created by MTV for a few reasons:

The Girls: Snooki is basically a trainwreck ready to happen. She's one of the most oddly shaped creatures ever put on this planet. If I had to compare her to a fruit, it would be an avocado. JWoww scares me because she could easily kick my ass with a fistpump to the face while looking like complete trash, then change in 15 minutes and she looks hot wearing skimpy clothes and ready to hit up Karma or Bamboo. Angelina just sucks and doesn't understand that everyone hates her. It's safe to say that she could be the most hated character of all time on any show. Sammi Sweetheart deserves to get hit by a truck for being the type of girlfriend ever guy hates.

The Guys: Ronnie is basically a jacked teddy bear with rabies and plays too much dance dance revolution. This dude is a gentleman to his horrid girlfriend, loves to go around punching people in the face and telling them 'one shot kid. that was one shot.', dances like he's John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and makes Mark McGwire look weak. Vinny is by far the smartest man of the house, which is odd since he's the youngest, yet he seems to have the most common sense and stays out of trouble for the most part. Yay Vin. The Situation is like a lovable loser that you want to hate. I had trouble each and every show deciding if I wanted to see him succeed at bringing back a girl or fail miserably. Now this brings me to the best cast member and hopefully someone we will see more of in the future: Pauly D.

Pauly D gives hope to the great state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Being a lifelong Rhode Islander, I take great pride whenever someone says "My boy Pauly D is the man, he's the best thing about Jersey Shore!" Yes. I agree whole heartedly. Is it sad that the most famous Rhode Islander is from Jersey Shore? Yeah. Do I care? No. Pauly D has his own hair style, the 'blowout' which he may or may not have stolen from numerous Dragonball Z characters, but it is awesome nonetheless. He DJ's 6 nights a week mainly in Providence, which is interesting because I had never heard of him before the show, but if I get a chance to dance with some bangin chicks at some club, I'll be praying that Pauly is on the one's and the two's. If you were to ask me who the most famous Rhode Islander was prior to Jersey Shore, I'd have to ponder the first Survivor champion Richard Hatch or Red Sox 4th outfielder Rocco Baldelli. Pauly gives new hope to Rhode Islanders and makes us proud because he was by far the coolest one of the bunch, but he also was funny, used common sense, and stayed out of trouble for the most party. Thank you Pauly D. Thank you.

The Plot: Jersey Shore is about nothing. It's about a group of guido's living in Jersey for a summer, while they work (sort of) at one of those t-shirt shops where you buy something and then regret buying it as soon as you get home. All the show is about are 20-somethings partying and hooking up with people, then hearing their intelligent thoughts about how sick a club was or how Ronnie didn't deserve to get arrested after killing a man with his index finger outside of a club. The fact that the show really is about nothing is what makes it so great. It's almost like MTV is pulling a sick joke by actually airing this show, but in the end it actually works out well. Compared to other great MTV shows like Teen Mom (too depressing), The Real World (too real), all those dating shows (too many spinoffs from previous dating shows) and 16 & Pregnant (see Teen Mom), Jersey Shore is simply comedy. My neck hurts from shaking my head (smh) at some of the actions that take place on the Jersey Shore. Fistpumping was never an important part of Teen Mom. Referring to sex as 'smushing' was never said on The Real World. Duck phones were never in the houses of Bret Michaels, Flava Flav nor Daisy. Basically, Jersey Shore has changed society in numerous good ways. I'll fistpump to that.

Greatest show of all-time. Oh and if I had to order my favorite characters from first to last it would go as this: Pauly D, Vinny, JWoww, The Situation, Snooki, Ronnie, The Situation's Sister, Sammi Sweetheart, The Dude That Punched Snooki, Angelina.

In other news, I hate both the Jets and the Colts, but I guess I'm glad the Colts pulled it out. Right now the Saints and Vikings are starting overtime. I'm rooting for the Saints because Reggie Bush dated Kim Kardashian, however I wouldn't mind seeing Jared Allen who is like the ultimate American in the Super Bowl.

Welp, see ya later.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

What the Hell?

Okay so last night/this morning I got an interesting comment from an 'anonymous' person leaving me with some interview questions. Honestly I have no idea who it is who left me this, but I'm assuming it was one of my friends joking around. However since I don't know this for sure, it could be a person in Montana for all I know. I find most of the questions interesting but weird at the same time. This being said, it gives me a great blog post idea, and we all know I need help with that. Therefore, I shall post his comment and answer his questions one by one.

Dear Jimothy, I like your blog and although you don't know me, I want to interview you so a wish of yours can come true. Here are 25 questions for you. Good luck.

Why do your eyes look so scary in your picture thing?
That's a great question, I really don't know. I picniked the picture, if that's the proper term, and I like that fact that my eyes instilled fear into the readers. I'm glad they look scary to you to be quite honest.

Do you believe in ghosts and/or phantoms?
Yes, but only phantoms and only around Halloween time. You can't blame me for that.

What is your favorite Disneyworld ride?
I've always been a big Space Mountain, Splash Mountain and Rock n' Rollercoaster, but hey that's just me. The Teacup ride is alright. My ultimate favorite ride at Disney however is the "It's a Small World After All" ride.

Why does your friend Danny always seem depressed?
Can you blame him? He lives in Rhode Island.

Why do you include Michael Jackson in the majority of your blogs?
Cause he's dead and he was the only person better at me than dancing. I have to pay respect to my competition so I honor him by putting awful pictures of him on my blog.

If Kelly Mitchell asked you to another blind date dance, would you go?
What kind of a question is that? Of course I would! Kelly was the best dance partner of all time. But I don't think it's possible for it to be a blind date dance since I already know what she looks like, but yes, I would go on another dance date with her if given the opportunity.

What's your middle name?

Who is your biggest inspiration?
My dog Juneau, because he overcomes so much adversity for being a partially blind and Diabetic husky. My grandfather because he always has fun stories from the Great Depression, which amazes me that he had a good time during bad times. Chuck Klosterman writes good stuff. Mark Titus for having a great blog. Danny Allen because I know deep down I'm always happier than he is. The list goes on and on, but one more person is Jack Bauer, because he always saves the day, he gives me hope that I too can one day save the world.

I'm a fan of poetry, do you have any favorite poems?
Frosty the Snowman is alright. I always was confused with poems because I could never figure them out. They're too deep for me.

What does the f2 key on your laptop do?
Unfortunately, I still have no idea.

Are you Jewish?
No, if I were Jewish I wouldn't have a Christmas wishlist. Inglourious Basterds was a great movie though.

If you had to be trapped in that elevator again with 4 people, who would they be and why?
This is a great question. 1. John Travolta, to talk to. 2. Spencer Pratt so I can punch him in the face. 3. Megan Fox so I can look at her. 4. Bill Gates so I can steal his wallet. Honorable mentions: Beethoven so he can compose a song for me and Jersey Shore's Pauly D because he is a famous Rhode Islander.

Do your parents read the blog?
I bet my Dad has glanced at it. My Mom still hasn't grasped the concept of a blog, so I don't think she's read it yet. All that matters is that they love me still.

I agree with your stance on the Christmas shoes song by saying it is depressing, but did you need to really tarnish the song, it seems messed up.
Yes. I believe it was necessary and it simply had to be done. I just had to step up to the plate and take matters into my own hands and do it.

How's your christmas wishlist going thus far?
So far so good, but this brings me back to the question of me being Jewish. If you read the blog about the Christmas wishlist which I'm assuming you did, then you would know that I'm not Jewish. Anyways, it's been alright, I've been told that my blog is better than Paramore's, John Mayer's and Johnny Depp's. Oh and Danny Allen cracked a smile a few times in the past week.

I think your list of predictions is bullshit.
That's not a question, but thank you.

Does it scare you that everytime you go on vacation, people die?
Sorta, I mean so many people die on this planet every single day,which I understand, but it does kinda surprise that many famous people die while I'm on vacation. It's probably less surprising then what it seems to me, but I guess it does somewhat scare me.

What happened to your quote of the day thing you used to end each post with?
I assume you mean the song quote of the day thing I used to end each post with. To be honest, I simply just forgot about it completely. There's no real reason for it not being there other than me just forgetting. I'll tell you what, I'll ask if people want it back on the next poll, so if you care so much, vote yes.

If I grow my hair long and I still don't get girls, what do I do next?
Having a flow is an important part, but if this doesn't work, starting making mixtapes for girls. NOTE: always put Asia's Heat of the Moment on the mixtape and Lesley Gore's It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To if it is a birthday present for the love of your life. Good luck.

Did Rachel Wall seriously want to kill you after you posted pictures of her on the blog? If I were her I'd be pissed.
Yeah I think she was more shocked that I did that. I can't blame her for being mad. She threatened to put my information on a gay dating site as payback, but I don't think she's done that yet. I'm sure when it first happened she had thoughts of lighting me on fire or taking an axe to my sternum, but that's a moot point at this stage, I think she's over it.

Who do you like more, Kelly or Rachel?
This isn't a fair question. I love both these girls with all my heart. I can't honestly say who I like more because feelings will be hurt. If I picked Kelly I fear that Rachel would kick my ass, which I suppose I deserved a few months ago when I posted those pictures. If I picked Rachel, Kelly would be devasted I think. Ultimately, you're trying to put me in a lose-lose situation, however I'm taking the best way out by saying I like them both the same, which may or may not be true, but who knows? I win.

What's the best excuse to use if you break a window?
This could be the most random question ever first of all. More importantly I'd go with the classic "It was an accident" or "It slipped". Now what 'it' is that slipped can vary, but just go with that.

Where is the closest Savers to me?
Well, I know I'm a Savers professional by now, but I have no idea. I don't know where you live so how can I tell you that?

I know if I leave a comment my name will show as 'anonymous' but can you give me a nickname for fun?
This is difficult since I know nothing about you. I'll just go with Lefty.

When will you stop blogging?
When I die.

I hope these questions are likeable.

Well, as you can see it was an interesting interview. As a Christmas present, I'm giving Andrew 'Danger' Chace give a celeb post, and he will be gracing us with the best albums of the past decade.

Welp, see ya later.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

You've Got Questions, We've Got Savers

I realize I haven't blogged in about 20 days. Get over it.

Moving on, I woke up on January the first beneath a Fooseball table. While I was gazing at a tan carpet, I realized that I started the first day of a new decade under a Fooseball table, which I can't imagine being a bad omen. While I stared at the carpet, I realized just how quickly life goes by. I'll be turning 20 in July and 10 years from now I'll be 29, which scares the begeezus out of me. I could be married and have kids by then. This is frightening. Anyways what I took a moment to think about while trying to figure out what happened the previous night, was just how simple things in life can mean a lot to some people and little to others. This being said, I realized that I appreciate the thrift store Savers a lot, and I appreciate questions quite a bit. Let me explain.

Savers is the most underrated store on the planet. What's that old expression? One man's trash is another man's treasure? Well that applies here in the utmost way. In case you haven't been blessed enough to shop at Savers, it goes like this: people donate used or unwanted or just hideous clothing they no longer want, and people (true bargain hunters) shop to get extremely low prices. I'm talking shirts for a 3 bucks, hats for 2 bucks, jackets for 8 bucks, the list is endless. Now, although I'm very happy with the concept of prices so low that it even shocks Walmart, this isn't the beauty of Savers. The beauty is the hidden gems that you find there. Apparently, or what I'm told, Savers keeps the same clothes in the store for about a week, and then they are shipped out to a different branch. Therefore, the same used clothes aren't sitting around year after year, so the element of surprise is always there. You will never know what you will stumble upon when you enter Savers. The next part is the selection. I have rofl'd at Savers numerous times because of some of the awful t-shirts I've seen. I once saw a size XXXXXL t-shirt that was black, but it just had the word "Brown" on it. Why would this shirt ever be made? What could it possibly mean? I've gotten throwback player t-shirts of Mark McGwire from the St. Louis Cardinals, Chris Osgood on the New York Islanders, a Brian Leetch authentic Rangers jersy, a Detroit Red Wings hat that looks as if it was given to their first round draft pick in 1992 (ends up it was Darren McCarty by the way) and each of these items for under 5 dollars! My buddy Kyle Towne has made out like a bandit at Savers. He is the proud owner of a John Starks Knicks Jersey, a Finding Nemo Disney On Ice hat, a olive green Hugh Hefner smoking jacket, a Jose Canseco Red Sox player tshirt and other items that all wardrobes should be jealous of. Another great part of Savers are the coincidences. I have three good friends at PC who attended Chaminade High School in Long Island, and since their school is so popular and has a great lacrosse team, I always say how great Chaminade is and that I love it and it's the greatest high school ever. Well, this past summer, due to Savers, I became the proud owner of a Chaminade Wrestling track jacket. How is this possible? This high school that I joke about wishing to have graduated from has a wrestling track jacket at Savers? Fast forward to two weeks later, and of course, I find a gray Chaminade Lacrosse tshirt, where on the back it tells me to "Be The Best". Savers is a slice of Heaven. You can't go wrong at Savers. I even bought a Christmas sweater with Andrew "Danger" Chace before attending a Yankee Swap at my friend Taylor Cotter's house, and the sweaters were a hit. When you mix used clothing, hidden treasures, coincidences, and motivation through one store, you know you're on to something. I appreciate Savers probably more than I should, but that's besides the point.

Questions are a different ball game. I appreciate questions while most people just don't care to think about them. I appreciate questions because there is no limit as to what can be asked, and there is always an answer to every question (whether or not the answer is a good answer is a different thing, but even saying 'I don't know' is still an answer). The most interesting question I've ever been asked was by 9 year old Nicholas Dirskmeier. Nick is my the son of my Dad's business partner, and one day he came to work in the warehouse to harass me. He had a few wrestling figures and was playing on top of this movable staircase that is used to reach the highest shelves in the warehouse. I was minding my own business, packing some Snuggies in a j-13 box when Nick asks me "Hey Jim, would you like to watch your own death?" Obviously I was interested, because this was a disturbing question that just came out of a 9 year old's mouth. Did he know the way I was going to die? Was he bluffing? Was he going to kill me? Of course I told him yes, and this is when he proceeded to throw down a John Cena action figure down about 30 feet from the top of the staircase, down onto the concrete floor. I found out that day that I my head and right arm will tear off my body when I fall from those stairs. What a way to go. Thanks Nick. Questions can be used to make stories, reveal information, attain knowledge, pass time and help people understand others better. I like it when people ask me interesting questions, because it can be a challenge to answer them, and I can say whatever I want, and sometimes the person asking the question would have no idea if I was being truthful in my answer. I was a smartass when I was 14-15ish. Myself and the Rizzini brothers once asked a Abercrombie & Fitch employee why their jeans were ripped. We got a response of "I don't know", which can't really be too good for the company. If I knew a girl who wasn't the sharpest crayon in the tin, I would go out of my way to ask her stupid and awkward questions just to pass time. People must have hated me in Middle School.

I want to be interviewed someday, but I want it to be the most random interview in the world. Just imagine the possible questions that could be asked. In fact, I'm going to leave you with some great questions to think about. Who invented the question mark? Why did Michael Jackson have to die? Now that she's dead, does this mean I can't marry Brittany Murphy? Have you ever seen a sheep in a pasture? What ever happened to the girl who played Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Why are you reading this blog? Why do stamps keep going up in price so often? Does McLovin' become popular post-Superbad? Dude, where's my car? What time is it? What do we call the past decade when we reference it (I say we start calling it the O's, as in O-nine, O-eight, etc.)? What does the f2 key on my laptop do? Why did Hitler become so mean? How's Lil Jon doing? How about the Eastside Boyz? Why has wrestling sucked ever since 2003? Will Danny Allen ever smile? Would you like fries with that? Is Megan Fox overrated? Why couldn't Lindsay Lohan have just stayed the way she was in the Parent Trap (you know, normal)? How tall is Shawn Johnson? Are you there God? It's me, Margret. Who is the next big celebrity to kick the bucket (my money is on Amy Winehouse)? Was Whinnie the Pooh a boy or a girl, and why was Eeyore so depressed? Do you wanna dance?